You can't take the Sky from me

7:50am: Title of Today's Post, Change is Here
This is a true first for me, I am proud to be an American. and dreams do really come true.

5:21pm: Title of Today's Post, What is New
I haven't posted on my journal in awhile, I just wanted to update with current events.
First is news that a few people have heard, I'm getting married this autumn to Em. I'm pretty excited about that though a touch nervous on getting all the arrangements made, we are going to be holding at the beach we are still calling places to figure out exactly where. I am still working at Lowe's and am up for a team leader position in Tools I'm pretty sure i've got it in the bag, just waiting for the secondary interviews.
In gaming i'm going to Stellarcon with Em, Eric, and Elizabeth. I am running two games there a buffy game and a NWoD game. Currently at home I am playing in a champions game with a zombie superhero, am about to be playing a prize fighter martial artist in a Deadlands game run by smike and last but not least I am running an amazing D&D game through expedition to castle Ravenloft. The party just made it to the castle and nearly died the first round with Strahd, The Party Dynamic is awesome.
The Party consists of the following;

Danias, Half Orc Paladin of Minerva, he comes from a D&D Rome. Lawful Good
Anjelica, Human Swashbuckler/Swordsage, who comes from Vodacce in Theah. Lawful Neutral
Lao, Moon Elf Paladin of Tyr, she comes from Fearun and rides her Pegasus steed Rubicane. Lawful Good
Vathan, Human Cleric of Hextor, he hails from Greyhawk. Lawful Evil
and recently they just had a Changeling from Eberron whom is a Malconvoker who has yet to give it's real name. Chaotic Good

11:36am: The Title of Today's Post, The State of the Game
So it's been a very long time since I last posted but for the most part I have been busy with a bunch of stuff, today's purpose is two things the first in which is brief but important. My brother John is back in town I am going to be chilling with him wednesday evening and thursday if anyone is interested in hanging out with him drop me a line either through here or over the telephone and I'll see what i can arrange he's only here till the 4th. The second thing is well about gaming it's just a few questions I have that have been collecting in my brain for well the last few days and I felt I wanted other people's opinions to formulate whether I'm being irrational or not.

The first came from just talking to someone about a game and then talking with Eric about our thoughts towards different situations, So how much control should the GM have control over a characters emotions, actions, feelings, and motivation with the use of die rolls. I have taken it often as a slap to the face as me the player but since most effects are temporary such as the effects of low level dominate or the effects of say charm in 7th Sea they work for about a scene and then you're free, but what should a safe ground for a GM and when is he over stepping his boundaries? and what is a player to do if the GM tries to force emotions or actions out of player that well they themselves don't know how to handle?

The second is how much control does a GM have over a game and how much responsibility does he have to the game? On the same track Plot vs. Character decision/actions how much should the GM control of this? and which one in your opinion should be more important?

The Third am I a bad player for calling foul on a GM's actions that I think are inappropriate? This mostly comes from most games I play I have ran in the past and I have opinions on GMs should and shouldn't do, Is it wrong for me to contest a GM when he is doing something I believe is inappropriate? and an off the wall question is it wrong for me as a player to kill plot important NPC(a Villain) when it's in my character's actions to do so?

Sorry it's alot for just up and randomly asking tons of stuff about gaming it's just what's on the top of my brain, feel free to share with friends I'm trying to get alot of opinions.

1:42am: The Title of Today's Post is Waking Dream.
So I woke up today like any other day, It was a bit earlier cause I wanted to make sure I would catch the bus. Everything went standard but felt kinda weird, I was doing my normal people watching at the moore square but started slow figuring something out. By the time I got to Lowes I realized exactly what was wrong, because my music had not cheered me up this morning and my general thought process had been kindof alien. I walked into work and saw people, and in them I saw just objects with no feeling or worth based on them as an individual. My empathy switch must have been turned off this morning along with my emotions because I feel people's presence and very much try to experience their emotions and feelings to better help them and do the best I can to ingratiate myself today was different. It didnt feel as if the emotional part of me was awake because people were just animals taking up space and inhibited me from my work. and I realized since I wasn't feeling any emotions things were kinda blissful not experiencing life around me but rationally responding. While the drive was not present I was also not inhibited from just slashing someones throat like I was slashing boxes to get to product, and visualized the product as the internal parts of an individual and it didn't scare me I found rather interesting that the part of me that just couldnt was just turned off, so for most of the day today I was more the able to kill another human being. and as a side note my nerves were kinda off today as well the experience of pain didnt really happen today when I hurt myself no less than three times and the first time it was being knocked senseless by metal shelving which didnt even really hurt, so I am wondering what was different today.

Has anyone else experienced this? am I about to go on a Spree Killing? Is this just something that happens sometimes?

7:52am: Just decided to take the test, with interesting results






What Planet Are You From?


this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim

3:50pm: The Title of Today's Post, Quiz!
Don't feel like posting alot but I took a test from a friend, my results

You scored as Demon. Demon: Darkness is your sanctuary. Demons are many and are all different in appearence and rank. The most common are the ones that feed off of human souls. They love to make someone fall into their inner darkness. Blood, wrath, murder... You name it they love it. These beings don't care who you are, if they set their sights on you, let's just hope you know a good excorist. They kill any love within you and pull you toward their side. By any means possible. You wish for chaos and hate, you are the Demon. </td> Demon 84% Angel 59% WereWolf 42% Dragon 42% Mermaid 33% Faerie 25% What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!) created with QuizFarm.com

see yall all later

4:04am: The Title of Today's Post is That Dream
So I had that dream again, I drifted asleep a few hours ago while I was writing and I had that dream again. for those of you who don't know, I have a recurring dream of being in the middle of a field and surrounded by corpses and covered in blood after having killed all of the people that lay within the field, the dream is typically very vivid inducing a sensation of the smell and taste of blood and feeling the texture of organs and with the blood all i can smell or taste is death. I've been having these dreams for years, I still wonder if they are a sign of anything. Cause they arent nightmares...nightmares feel different this feels very life like and not terrifying at all while experiencing it, in reflection the dreams are somewhat disturbing because it brings a flood of emotions that I don't get all that often. but i'm interested in peoples opinions on this one. I just the kindof person that finds symbolism in everything, so any thoughts?

1:42am: "I want to put up with you"
This post is for everyone, everyone who has been there for me. everyone who has put up with me, and everyone who feels i've contributed to their life...I love you all...have a nice night...i'm gonna catch some shut-eye.

P.S. and thanks leah I didn't know there was something to be said until it was....

9:22pm: The Title of Today's Post is Dante!
So I haven't posted in a good bit, I just recently purchased a laptop (Tax refunds I love them so much). I have been working myself into the dirt at Lowes for the last week, but all is going good with the world I brought Dante (my Ferret) home with me today from my mothers and he is healthy, cute, and curious but I wouldn't expect much else from him.

I have also done alot less sleeping recently, but have used that time for planning for my online game I'm going to be running. I'm gonna be running a whedonverse game (buffy/angel), It's gonna be set in Seattle post season five of Angel. The Cast is gonna consist of Original characters, I am going to be running this through AIM anyone who is interested can get in contact with me so we can work out your character and backgrounds and stuff.

All in all I am pretty happy with my life right now, it is simple and straight forward. I am gaming, I am fed, I am working, and I am surrounded by good people I dont need much from life than this although there are a few things I could think up.

But in closing for tonights post all is good in the world. And for the rest of you Continue fighting the good fight.

12:54pm: The Title of Today's Post is Hardware
So it's been awhile since I last posted, mostly due to craziness with my work, training, warren moving out, and there just not being enough time in the day to do all of what I'd like to do. So I am most likely gonna have to stop playing a major role in the Monday game cause the new Lowes enjoys making me close that day. Hardware is fun, because I am never lacking things to do, I always have a project I could be working on. I think tonight I am closing by myself for the first time, that'll be interesting. But I am joining Chris' 7th Sea game, and I have a new player in my friday game, her name is Gena and most of her gaming experience revolves around vampire. Funny thing she lives about a stones throw away from my mother's house.

But for Eric's game my character perspective is gonna shrink and I am going to try and work something out so that I can still influence it... even if not with the same characters, because honestly I am itching to play a shadowy cerebral behind the scenes character. Don't get me wrong the exploits of Xander just basically forcing every other player to do something because he's just so out there is fun, and Rowan is pretty sly but much more direct in his motivations and goals than what I may be interested in. Gonna be playing in demon pretty soon too, which puts me in a position I realize, four games I have involvement in. I think that is the most I have been in since high school even then I think I capped at 3. but If i don't convince Eric I will be down to three soon, hopefully I will persuade him.

So I'm on an upswing with soooo much gaming, and soon I hope to start an Online game but with interweb being bratty at times I may have to postpone. but in additional upswing news, Dante (my Ferret) is coming to live here soon, so that makes me happy.

11:26am: The Title of today's post is Confusion
So it has been alittle bit since I last posted, my last day at my current Lowes is gonna be the 27th. Meaning to me it's probably gonna be one of the last times I see alot of my friends there cause I'm horrible about keeping intouch and I feel for the most part for most of them i'm a coworker and making nice and being friends at work but there is a difference in professional and personal lives. But in the end i've made alot of friends there and figured out how to use telnet enough to fix lowes' technical problems. There is gonna be a cashier meeting the 22nd at 6 in the morning i don't think i'll skip out even if it's my last week as a cashier, cause I'll get to see our "drastically different from when I started" front line.

My Grandmother went to the hospital recently, she nearly died of pneumonia and when the EMTs arrived they condemned the house because of what nastiness and awfulness the houses shape was. She has pulled through like I expected, although it did not hit me any bit hard to find out sortof shocking but at the same time not cause i knew she was in poor condition alot of by choice. She's been released and is in the care of one of my uncles. Roy, My oldest brother, is now considered a deserter to the country for not showing up to be picked up and go back to basic. He has been told constantly that if he goes back now the punishment will be less severe, He ofcourse being the kindof person he is, doesnt listen. Just like my mother and other brothers, I would turn him in, he cannot find shelter here and if he made a damning decision it's not for me to damn him further, I am not my brothers keeper.

In lighter news spent some time this week with a few friends I am starting to prep for an In Nomine game on fridays and I am excited about what the players are gonna be playing. The game itself is gonna focus on the questioning of god, creation, humanity, and of the nature of good and evil. It is an all angels game and It is gonna be angsty, I've been told by atleast one player in jest that this is a satanist's In Nomine. I do not mind that sentiment at all, but for the characters here they are as follows.

an Ofinite of Eli (Creation) in service to Janus (the Wind) he is a cab driver
an Elohite of David (Stone) who is a major part in the local pagan community
a Mercurian of Azrael (Noncanon Archangel of Death) who is a preacher who works in a hospital

The Location of the game is gonna be Sunnydale California ,Ofcourse not taking place in the Buffyverse.

My Quote for the Week thus far
"This book tells the best ways to combat the living dead"-Greymon
"or Zombat if you will" - Allen

4:18pm: The Title of Today's post is VICTORY!
Ok so I was working today at Lowes and decided to pick up some extra hours cause i didnt have a ride until I called my Mother, and I got called by the HR of Capital Lowe's and she told me my transfer was accepted and if i'd be willing to switch departments, I said yes (cause well Cashiering I am as much of an expert as i feel one can be but I still would like something more forfilling ) so I am going to be a Hardware and Tools Customer Service Associate, which is awesome cause the first day I was on the floor at lowes I was in hardware so the product knowledge doesnt completely slip my mind. In other news I am turning in all of my Insurance stuff for the last accident i was in so that Wake will get off my Ass (cause I had lost the papers but found them). Independent rides and no Standing up Wake Med for cash I feel an upswing coming along, and I spent the afternoon yesterday with a lovely lady (And she'd hurt me for using lovely lady in reference but she can always attempt it) and dear friend of mine, so that was cool too.

But for all of my Potential Online gamers that are reading this, If I run a game online what'd be cooler, Fantasy in a made up world freeform, Modern Fantasy on earth Freeform, or Serenity game using it's own rules, please give me some feed back.

Quote of the Day
Ken "You keep fixing and arranging the schedule you'll be a department head"
Me "Well... Arent I already?" ::grin::

1:26pm: The Title of Today's post, Hardcore
So Yesterday's game session was awesome, got 2 new players who were making characters and getting a feel for the game. This is the In Nomine game I am playing in currently each player has two characters ( i think i netted a human aswell last session) We each have a character who is a demon and an angel.
Our current break down for those interested and those who know bout the game.
Lilim(?) of Andrealphus (Lust)
Seraph of Gabriel (Fire) ( in service to Khalid (Faith))
Lilim of Beleth (Nightmares)
Mercurian of Janus (Wind)
Lilim of Nybbas (Media)
Elohite of Jean (Lightning)
and me playing a
Calabite of Furfur (Hardcore)
Cherub of Janus (Wind)

and my Calabite had some fun last session with being forced to commit suicide which was stopped by Lucifer's Intervention...(that was so Hardcore)
I myself though am not a man of many words, so I think that is it for now time to go have lunch with a friend.

12:17am: Title of today's post, Fire
So today was fairly uneventful at work, I worked with my supervisors to handle today's work load we had two people call out so my two supervisors were working with me to handle the breaks and where people are working at. I worked a very uneventful outside then a very uneventful return desk, with the most interesting part being my last costumer being my former boss at foodlion as I refunded and rebilled a fridge. durring lunch though I was getting all angsty and frustrated so I walked out of the break room to talk to coworkers, I then decided I needed a tool of destruction, i looked through knives, razors, handsaws, chainsaws, hachets, hammers. I decided on a Palmable Butane torch....and i feel in love. 10 dollars later I have a torch thats burns 2400 degrees F. aaaah I love impulse buys.

Quote of the Day
"Don't stop when you're that big!"

11:03pm: First Post and the Title of Todays Post is Motivation
So Today I woke up as normal and found my self very routine in what I was doing(lack of sleep, confused thoughts, thrown together plan for food today, and out the door). Ofcourse on the way to work i get spoken to on how a roommate of mine is planning on moving out and he intends to tell me why he seeks to do this. I get frustrated and begin to argue the hypocricy of the statements he is making and so forth, this is my little own world means two main things paying a third of the rent (something I'm adversed to doing)and relocating work because i'll be unable to obtain rides (not as bad just a "do or die" sort of situation). I get to work a whole hour and a half early and begin planning on what to do, throughout the day I spent alot of time planning on what to do, I am happy to say after a bit of conversation my HR manager was sympathetic as was the HR for the store I want to get transfered to so all is well in that department for now. I get off about an hour early and my ride shows up 2 hours late, and from there a bout of back and forth argument continued, I'm not really satisfied with the outcome just feels like betrayal to me. But on the plus side not the first time i've been stabbed in the back so I'll manage.

Quote of the Day
"The Knife in your back did not come from my hand, but your own"